Commitment Phobe

Day 37: I feel crappy today. I feel like I'm going to hurt him. I never really thought about it but I think I'm afraid of commitment. I never thought I was the type but I think I am. I get really anxious just thinking about being tied down in a relationship. With David it was easy because he lived across the country and we weren't officially together. I had my life and he had his but I still got that feeling of love and that someone cared about me. I wonder how things would have worked out if he had lived here? Would I have screwed up our relationship in another way by not wanting to officialy be together?

I'm a fan of the "together but not together" relationship. You act like a couple but you're not. You can still have your own life, you can still be independent. I hate feeling smothered. I found this article with signs that you're afraid of commitment. The ones in bold are ones I do.

Top 10 signs you’re commitment-phobic:

1. You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate.
2. You go from one short-lived relationship to the next. Lately I have been.
3. You have a habit of dating "unavailable" men.
   
4. You consider your married friends’ lives boring and think they settled for less.
5. You stay in relationships that are rocky and offer little hope of commitment.
6. You back out of plans at the last minute and have trouble setting a time for dates.
7. You cultivate large networks of friends at the expense of a single romantic relationship.
8. You have a lot of relationship trauma in your past. Well not a lot  of relationships but for the one relationship I had yes.
9. Your career is very important to you and you often choose work over relationships. (school)
10. You are constantly blowing “hot” and “cold” in your relationships.

6/10

Dang, I guess that means I have an issue of commitment. How do you deal with that? I hate myself sometimes. I hate the way I only want something until I have it. Once I have it I don't want it. I hate how my heart cannot make up its mind. I hate feeling confused. I hate the "hot" and "cold" feeling, how I'm always changing my mind. I thought I was a nice person, but now I'm not so sure...