Cries For Help

Day 29: I love six billion secrets but there's a pattern I'm starting to see that's annoying me. People going on and on about no one noticing that they are depressed, cutting, anorexic, bulimic, and whatever other problems they are having. Now I am completely sympathetic to their problems, I know exactly what they're going through (well the cutters and depressed ones at least). Here's the thing though:cries for help rarely work. You need to take care of yourself, no one will do it for you.

Let me tell you a story. About six months before I asked my parents to go to therapy I told my two best friends that I cut. I felt so relieved. "Finally, someone will help me. Finally, I'm going to be saved." They never asked me about it again. I kept thinking, "Next week. They'll ask me how I'm doing next week." Eventually, I lost hope that they would ever help me and I lost faith in people. I knew at that point that I could only ever rely on myself. And I did, I took care of myself. I was the one who asked for therapy, I was the one who wanted to take medication, and I was the one who said it was ok for me to go to a psychiatric ward (my mom was angry that I was there). I was the one who stopped cutting

.

For those of you hoping and praying every day that someone will notice and finally rescue you: stop. I don't mean to sound harsh or unsympathetic but just stop. You need to step up to the plate and take care of your issues. Sure, someone may eventually come along and help you but do you really want to wait that long? Who knows how messed up you will be by then. Forget your friends and forget your family. Take control of your life and stop waiting for someone else to do it for you. I'm not saying that you have to do it all on your own without professional help or anything. Don't take what I'm saying as, "You have to do it all on your own."

No. What I'm saying is that you have to get the ball rolling. You need to speak up about your problems. If the first person doesn't listen, then tell someone else. Speak to a school counselor or if you're an adult go see a therapist. You need to seek out the help that you need. People are not mind readers and you cannot expect them to notice you are having issues if you do a good job of hiding it. Another thing on six billion secrets is people saying that they told someone about their problem(s) and the person ignored it.

I say screw them. You know when you need help and I don't care if that person is your best friend, parent, or a teacher. Screw them and get the help you need. Don't ever let someone tell you, "Oh you don't need therapy." or "Oh you can take care of it without a professional's help." You know when you need professional help, you just know. I hope that anyone who reads this and is dealing with issues takes my advice. Please, gather your courage and strength. You can do it.

Once you speak up the first time, it gets easier. I promise. Once everything is out in the open, you can find out who truly cares about you and who will leave you. The ones that stay will listen to you no matter what kind of day you're having. I have gained so much relief just by finding a few people that I can talk to about things, who know everything that is going on with me. I finally feel like I have some steady support. It feels good after holding it all in for so long. If I want to get on AIM and start going on and on about life sucking to my best friends (these are different ones then the ones I mentioned previously), I can. They listen to me, comfort me when I need it, give me advice, and are just there for me in general. Thank you Ashley and Sean. :)

The point of all of this is that it's worth it to put yourself out there and tell someone, even multiple people if the first couple of ones don't listen or care. I was scared to ask my parents for therapy after I had told my two friends and they had just completely ignored it. I thought maybe cutting wasn't that big of a deal, since they just ignored it. I finally decided though that I needed help even if they thought I didn't. I can't say I'm in a better place with my depression, it feels like a constant uphill battle that I may never win. At least now I am trying to get better. You have a better chance of succeeding if you are actually trying. I am in a better place with those who care about me though. I feel like I can breathe.